Mo jo

'nuff said

Patience for/ability to read a document all the way through

Skimming=surviving, when it comes to reading.  And since surviving is the goal, we have adapted (e.g., Darwin, 1859).  Now, it's hard to even read my US Weekly thoroughly, and this is upsetting.  I need to keep up with the Kardash- oh never mind, I just saw that article about a stunt dog!

My understanding of what the populace does on weekends

I walked into a liquor store (to buy ice cream, see waistline entry, below), saw a large bowl of ping pong balls for sale next to the cash register and said, "Why are they selling all those ping pong balls at a liquor store?"

Time Management Skills

Well, this one is a given, especially with the wondrous world of the "interweb."  Luckily all this time-wasting has led to some amazing finds out there:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html
http://theoatmeal.com/
http://www.reddit.com/r/firstworldproblems/
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

sense of perspective

I know I've lost my way a bit when I start getting really upset about publishing in a journal with an impact factor one or two below what I'd prefer...

Spine

sitting all day long at lab? hunched over a laptop all night long at home?? no time to exercise, walk around or seek medical care??? yep, that sounds like an unhappy spine to me... and whoa boy, is it unhappy.

Judgment

This all relates to the constant state of ego depletion (Baumeister et al., 1998) that grad school induces in us otherwise rational and competent adults.  However, forever being forced to decide between two or more difficult choices at any given moment (Which test do I use with these analyses?  Are my data parametric or not?  Who will be third author and will it ruin my career?  WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!) creates a gap in our ability to make good choices by the end -or middle- of a day.  Symptoms of this ego depleted state and lack of good judgment may involve multiple trips to Jack In the Box late at night because someone wanted curly fries.  But that's just a hypothetical example.

WAISTLINE

I don't want to talk about it. I just know it to be true.

Liver

Drinking endlessly to numb the pain of the lack of reinforcement, feeling of incompetence, and never-ending work load.

Knees

Grad school is bad for my knees because the only exercise I have time for is running, and so my knees are beginning to rebel.

Welcome to our grad student world...

Have you ever felt like this?

Me: Stop tormenting me, grad school!
Grad School: No! You're mine! You'll always be mine. You will never be free of my tyrannical grasp.
Me: No, it can't be true.  This relationship is dysfunctional.  All I do is give, and you never appreciate me.
Grad School: I know.  Mwaaahaha!  And you'll never find someone to love you as much as I do.
Me: Oh no, you've beaten me into submission yet again.  I guess I'll go back to my Macbook and write some more analyses and cry a little.

We are a group of students who feel your pain.  Yet we persevere, due to the awesomeness of our social network, and we hope this network helps you too.